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Asexual, Autistic, Female.
Writing is a wave-form on a sea of pearls.
Be florid and concise, brief and alive.

Grumpy TheUnicorn @TardisCowStartler

35, Female

philosopher

Instinct, like the man said.

France, Kasterborous

Joined on 1/24/10

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TardisCowStartler's News

Posted by TardisCowStartler - May 22nd, 2019


Did you ever get that feeling like you're in a really shitty version of Running Man, only it's like, Red Lyrium Pac-Man and the Nurses from Silent Hill instead of Ghosts...?


I am no longer a writer, as of today. This is scary, but I feel it is necessary to my health. Now I make earrings, apparently. Let's just see how long that lasts.


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Posted by TardisCowStartler - May 18th, 2019


Damn I am sick of the fighting. All I want is for numbnuts and fruitbag (dad and mom) to grow the fuck up and stop terrorizing me and each other. and the dogs. But do they care that they've caused me lasting harm? nooo. They're too busy dancing. I can't leave. I can't work. And I suspect the recent family members we discovered are overwhelmed by us already, so probably no help there. And there aren't enough words to describe how demoralizing and sick the SSI option has been allowed to get. SSI/SSDI is a cesspool of fuck-up bureaucracy. Always an excuse as to why NN and FB 'can't' make the necessary changes. Even my psychiatrist, who I only went to for help WITH THIS PROBLEM and to see if I was Autistic, suggested the dire need for family counseling. To my two-faced enabling mother's face. Dad, of course, couldn't come that day. What a surprise. It doesn't help that they are super old, either. FUUUUUU. I do not enjoy airing my laundry on the net like this, but some day, it will no longer be necessary because we will have gotten SUFFICIENT HELP and the problem will have lessened or disappeared with time. 35 years, my entire life, is far too long for me to have had to wait. Son of a bitch I'm sick of this shit. My entire being, at this point, is reduced to a sharp sword, pointed toward the eventuality of somehow improving this situation to my satisfaction and relief, as theirs is up to them. I won't stop. I won't cease. I WILL have my way. IT WILL STOP. I may scream for them to stop as it's my only remaining release, (not that they care, 'coz if they did they would), but I won't get violent. I don't need to, not anymore. (Sadly, my screaming is the ONLY thing that stops them. It's nuts.) Besides, if I even LOOK like I'm defending myself against the terror-inducing tirades, I get the cops called on me. ME. Not him. Me. Yeesh. They weren't much help, either. Neither was my psychiatrist. There is something very wrong about that. Very wrong, indeed. Telling them nicely has never worked, either, so don't bother telling me to do something I've already tried.

I am not doing this for attention. I am just doing this to vent. Again. Because the sitch remains unresolved and no one I talk to has any clue how to fix it that will actually work for my family. BOOM. Cowards, all of em. I just needed to vent today. And I'll probably delete this one too. My mother will be 'embarrassed' by it, instead of being horrified for our safety like she SHOULD be. What a bitch. Plus we have three dogs, two of whom are new pup-pups. She frequently threatens me with 'Well we won't be able to take the dogs if we leave'. You know, because she's an emotionally-blackmailing bitch. She used to manipulate him into yelling at me, too. no shit. HAHA.


Oh yeah... god I just remembered. When I was a kid, and mom had decided I had pissed her off enough to warrant telling dad, he would come home after work, rip off my blankets if I was trying to sleep away the stress and enter into tirade mode. They still think it's not abuse because they didn't hit me hard enough while spanking me as a child, and don't hit me anymore as an adult. Um... lulz? I am not a troll. I am not making this shit up. I don't need that crap.

No shit I'll delete this later, just because I'm scared of what she might do if she reads it. See, she called the cops on me once because I dared to tape one of his tirades. Not him. ME. She. Called. The. Cops. On. ME. I stopped trusting her that day. She's never getting that back.


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Posted by TardisCowStartler - April 14th, 2019


Yams (sweet potatoes, not the African ACTUAL yams) baked in the microwave, then broiled in the oven with butter and salt and pepper, are the best thing ever.


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Posted by TardisCowStartler - April 6th, 2019


LOL! I mean, does anyone else get that way at random points of the day when you think of your situation OR NOT, like it's hormonal or something? I know my uh 'father' yelled insanely at us over something HE misinterpreted last night for like, three or four hours; it's what he does. Then he blames you for screaming at him to stop because:


A. your mother has heart disease; he sure cares a lot about his wife, doesn't he? O.o

B. He's had several strokes and literally the only thing that stops him is screaming in his ear. Words, ANY words, DO. NOT. Help. He is psycho when you tell him calmly to stop. YOU CAN't TELL ME WHAT TO DO. No shit that's what he says.

C. This is what he has done to us for 35 years. I can't work, so I can't leave. FUUUUUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

D. Doctors don't believe me. I feel that. Really, I mean, who would? He's just so fucking NICE to THEM. And people FLOCK to this man, no shit. EVERY woman in a ten mile radius. Once they interact with him, they just want to chat him up all day long. He's such a big teddy bear, yeah? ARGH. Yeah he's REAL nice at home. The bastards have called me paranoid. So there goes any help from any OTHER doctors, becuase once the big P shows up in your file? BOOM. you are ignored.

E. His counselor, which we FINALLY got him to find and see, claims he's not Autistic, but he just has ADHD. LOLWUT? He's practically a POSTER CHILD for it. I have a diagnosis for myself. I know what I'm about, damn it. IF he doesn't have it, he's pretty damn close. HE misses every inflection, can't hear worth a damn (we're trying to find the money for the hearing aids he finally realized he needed after SOMEONE ELSE told him- he won't listen to us) Can't remember shit you tell him, yada yada. Poor bastard. Poor. ABUSIVE. Bastard. He claims we abuse him, when we are defendig against his crazy the only way that works, by calling him every damn name we can think of and screaming our heads off because NOTHING ELSE STOPS HIS FUCKING RAMPAGE. Believe me, there is little we haven't tried. He does NOT respond to the normal techniques most people would. He just gets MADDER.

F. He's lucky he doesn't hit us, or I woudl be on his ass with a bat like flies on shit. Or msybe bare-handed; I'm game. I can fight, unlike my mother who just cowers in the corner because she can't handle anything anymore.

I care for him, but we can't deal with this. And both parents are old. Like, 60s and 70s. he has been doing this since before I was alive. Not cool. And it needs to end. Nobody seems to believe me or give a fuck.

G. No shit, I called the cops on his ass once; he MADE FRIENDS WIHT THE FUCKING COPS, like it was a god damn social visit, kept obliviously trying to Impress Them wiht the fact his brother was a sheriff in another state. OMG. WTF?

H. nobody wants to explain anything about this to me. Like they dont wnt to t ouch it and I am really... quite pissed about authority's lack of response to this.

I. We can't think well enough long enough to get anything done really because he's ALWAYS GOING OFF. He cannot face his problem and runs from it. Every. Time. And the apologies are worse; either they are sarcastic or he goes right back to yelling five minutes after if you DARE to tell him to leave you alone afterward. HA. Dickhead.

J. And, guess what? WE JUST GOT TWO NEW BEAUTIFUL PUPPIES IN FEBRUARY, becuaes my mohter magically thought that him going to a counselor nad the doctor putting him on... citalopram.... would ACTUALLY WORK.

K. Two of our dogs died earlier, and we used our (Federal, I think?) tax refund to get the pup-pups, who are the most beautiful, loving, wonderful dogs you could imagine. WE needed these two furbabies in our lives. But I worry for them, becuase of him. How dare he do that to them? Not. Pleased. I get feral about abuse. Exceedingly so. And I will NOt apologize.

L. One night, he jumped up out of his chair at my latest imagined slight and looked so angry and hateful I literally thought he was gonna kill me. I thought I was going to die. AFter that, I wanted to kill him, to save us. I do not anymore, because I found the strength to get past those feelings. But he still goes after my mother like that. Almost every day. He punched the wall and broke his hand one time. This can't continue. I told my former psychologist about it, my feelings, all of it... this psychologist whom I had gone to see becaude I wanted to know if I was autistic, and he just... did. NOTHING. Asshole. I feel like he thouht I was lying. Mom even told him waht happened and he just... did. NOTHING. WHY? I woudl give ANYTHING to know WHY no one wants to help us. WE did NOTHING to deserve that.


Anyway... I do love him, but I don't have to take this from him and neither does she. WE should never have had to.

He's uh... special. And well, that did it. kind of. But I feel kinda okay today. hopefully it won't hit like it usually does after one of his runs. IS anyone else like that? I keep wondering if some of mine is hormonal... fucking ovaries. ;))) (sometimes before my period I have whiteout-inducing pain, or an odd twisting sensation in my ovaries)

I am sitting here laughing right now becaues it's just so fucking ludicrous. He gets every friend ever and we are just left... out in the cold, like always. no matter how kind or nice we are. Our moeny, which we've never had a lot of, is tied up... so, haha.

Shikata ga nai.


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Posted by TardisCowStartler - February 5th, 2019


If the Blighted Titan is Jigglypuff, does that make Corypheus Magikarp?


Perfect Song for Solas: I’m Just an Old Chunk of Coal


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Posted by TardisCowStartler - December 11th, 2018


One of my comedy fanfic drabbles, a NuWho/Scooby Doo/Golden Girls crossover. Because I can. I guess I'm using this for possible (currently free as I have no bank account) commissions, since I picked it for that and all. So, yeah, I do rough writing, script-look-overs, etc. I don't actually write scripts, as I haven't written one since middle school; that one was a joke script for a partnered assignment.


Basically, it was:


Three 1700s-ish philosophers walk into a Krispy Kreme's.


Anyway, yeah, I'll look over your existing work and see if the wording makes sense, mood, tone, suggestions in that area. Nothing fancy. Anywho, here ya go.


FIVE NIGHTS AT BETTY'S.


The Doctor reached out of the closet and pulled Daphne in with her, shutting them both in.


Daphne yelped, but the Doctor stuffed her hand in the girl’s mouth and whispered harshly, “Rassilon’s sakes don’t screech! You’ll only bring her round again and then where will we be?”


Daphne wibbled and moaned, then relaxed in the Doctor’s grip.


“But Doctor! What about Fred and Scooby? And Velma?”


The Doctor narrowed her eyes and added, “…forgot somebody, didn’ ya?”


Daphne blinked, thinking.


“…no.”


In the kitchen, a wobbly voice screamed, “Like, help me Scoob! Rose Nyland has an ice cream scoop!”


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Posted by TardisCowStartler - November 17th, 2018


Is done. Sent it out to a couple friends.

Hope it doesn't suck. But then, I have been writing for 25 years or more and I DID write it, so it can't suck completely. It's not possible. Maybe some, but not so badly we need a garbage truck. ;)


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Posted by TardisCowStartler - November 9th, 2018


I want a hysterectomy for Christmas

Yes only a hysterectomy will do

The blackouts are a drag; the pain it likes to lag

I want a hysterectomy like yesterday it’s true

 

I want a hysterectomy for Christmas

Surely a doctor daren’t say boohoo

No need to be so rough, or give me lots of guff

To properly address the sitch

Just cut or I will sue

 

(LOL!)


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Posted by TardisCowStartler - November 8th, 2018


Happy about that! Very happy about that. Worried it's too shallow though, if that makes sense. But then 'virgo moon', you know? ;)


Posted by TardisCowStartler - November 5th, 2018


Every. Time. It. Rains. Or. Turns. To. Night. Or Turns to Fall. Or Winter. Or Someone Yells. Or. confronts. Me. I. Get. Crazy. Depressed. And. Anxious. This. Is. Bullshit. I've. Been. Like. This. For. Every. One. Of. My. 35. Years. And. It. Never. Gets. Better. Antidepressants. Do. Nothing. but. Take. Away. My. Remaining. Impetus. And. Make. Me. Fat. What. The. Fuck. Every. Goddamn. Night. FUUUUUUUU-